out of the corner window

Give up?

2009-03-19T03:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, I have.

There's nothing wrong about giving up. It's the same as letting fate do what its supposed to do. There's no control anyway.

I live each day at a time.

... and pretend.

Count Me Out

2008-11-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

I used to judge people.
I used to be like those self-righteous SOBs who think they've never done anything wrong in the world.
I used to impose what I was raised to believe in to others.
I used to follow the general consensus.

But then not all things people agree on is right. And not everything that people do right would result to something positive.

So count me out. I'd rather be outside that flock. Go preach somewhere else.

And the plot thickens

2008-04-12T08:59:00.001-07:00

The culprit? Batangas.

They were there a few times. The Guy.

The still-stoopid-girlfriend doesn't know.

The Guy is actually over that bitch of an ex-gf. BUT. He has a new one. Sixteen years old. And still, the stoopid-girlfiend doesn't have any idea. Soooo stoopid.

I was looking at her at a function. Her expensive Chanel bag, her Rolex watch, her must-be-expensive-too coat and Gucci shoes.... but she remains blind. Sooo blind! I'm going crazy over her dang stupidity. Wake up, girl! If only I could shake you awake.

You deserve so much more (look who's talking). Well- she does. She really does. She works so hard to create her empire. That's a mini-empire, but still AN EMPIRE. I don't have an empire.

She has more than 200 people under her wing. She lives in a POSH village, right next door to some big shot politicians... and yet here she is. Waiting for her long-time boyfriend to propose to her. Plus her must-be-self-imposed-blindness to everything the Guy does wrong.

Why?

I saw this post at a forum a few days ago. How come men cheat or something along that line.

Men cheat. Why? They just do. Except for maybe a few (who are probably gay- bwahahaha). I agree, there are a few who are so MORAL and HONEST and LOYAL. So few they're probably all dead.

I know some people who said that their husbands and friends are not the type who would cheat. As in never. And they died - right next to another woman - not their wives. This is true. FACT. And this happened not only to one person I know.

Men cheat. My dad cheated on my mom. Many times, until they finally separated 5 years ago. Finally, we can all breathe. It's better that way than pretend everything's fine and yet we all know it isn't.

All my exes cheated on me. No matter if they're cute/handsome or ugly. No matter if they're smart or stupid. No matter how religious they are- or were. They cheat.

I know many women who were cheated on, and are still being cheated on. Look at Ms. so-stoopid.

Wives of big-shot celebrities. Politicians. They turn a blind eye on their cheating husbands. Or maybe they're like Ms. So-Stoopid who don't really know. Because, they're - STOOOPID.

This guy-slash-somewhat-a-politician is married. He got a girl pregnant. She's pretty. A nice person, actually. Nope, she's not a slut. She's well-educated, in fact. Works at a good well-known company. So she got pregnant. He got a house for her at a somewhat-exclusive village. Rented it for 40,000 a month. He got her a car too. A nice small, compact car.

And yet- this guy-slash-somewhat-a-politician doesn't look like he would cheat on his wife. Everybody loves him. Nobody would think he would do that to his wife. But his friends know. His friends who are just like him. Clean looking, honest-looking, friends. Politician-friends. Celebrity-friends. If only other people could see what's inside their cellphones.

These guys. These men. Amazing. And yet women fall all over and over and over and over them.

Me included.

You can call me stoopid too, then.

Lost and Found

2008-03-26T09:35:00.000-07:00

He came back. Finally.

He said he went someplace with his friend. I believe him. I'm tired. Too tired to keep the fight up.

I told him I wanted out. He didn't take it seriously. He really could be the sweetest man alive if he wanted to.

So here we are again. Back to square one.

*I just hope I'm not pregnant.

drama queen

2008-03-22T07:17:00.000-07:00

he came back, now he's lost again.

this is getting tiring. he's been gone for 3 days. he said he's with his bestfriend.

ok, at first I didn't believe it. doh. its holy week.

so anyways, he left and said he'll be back. he never came back. i would send him numerous messages and all he could say was: he's coming. but he didn't.

waited and waited and waited

finally, i had the courage to tell him to forget about it, don't come by anymore, you're pissing me off.

he said he'll be back tomorrow.

for the last time i asked, "where are you?"

he didn't answer the question. all he said was "i love you"

dang.

lost partner

2008-03-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

He left abruptly last Saturday (its now Wednesday).

Early saturday morning he just left and went to his house. I didn't know where he went, actually. He came back after 2 hours and told me we'll be going to the shop. So we went.

The car ride was silent. There's no talk whatsoever. I just stared outside. Thinking that he probably just wanted to have space. Time to think. Four hours later, he told me that I couldn't handle the staff. That the business is still losing. That he'll find someone else to handle the business. I stayed quiet. I didn't know what to say. I don't know if its really my fault we're not earning. All the purchasing and recording were delegated to the staff. Maybe if I were given more time to study the goings on, the whole operation, I would have had a clear answer as why we're not earning. But I didn't . And somehow, he sees that as MY failure.

He dropped me off at my house and left. He never came back. I never heard a word from him since then. He wouldn't even visit our son.

To think that the day before that, the night before that, he picked me up near my office, he was with our son. We went out for dinner. He kissed me on the cheek. He hugged me and our son.

It's so sudden, and yet I asked for this. I have been praying for "something" to happen. For him to find that "someone" who may not be me, so that everything will be clear. I'll be free from this hell of a relationship that doesn't have any direction. He said he wouldn't marry me. So what am I to him?

It's just too bad for our son. I didn't mean for him to have this kind of "family". I believed his father.. the dreams he would relay to me. That we'll get married and be together...

And then all hell broke loose.

The day I learned I was pregnant, he seemed happy. He said we'll live together. Be together, get married after he takes the Bar exams.

He didn't take the Bar. He cheated on me. Not once, not twice. Not thrice. He found all kinds of faults in me. He never, not even once, accompanied me to the doctor. He was not there at the hospital when I gave birth. He shouts at me and would swear and call me names. He says I never help him. And I never take care of him. And because of these, he will never, ever, marry me.

So I prayed for the day to come that he finds that someone. Even if its not me. I wanted "something" to happen. To get it over with. If we separate, then so be it. I couldn't find it in my heart to say it. I couldn't even find it within myself that I wanted out. And yet, here I am, missing him. Wanting to know why he left all of a sudden. Wanting to know if he loves me as much as I do him. But at the same time, I also want to be free. To be out of misery.

Old maid of a manager

2008-02-28T22:14:00.000-08:00

This woman is getting on my nerves.

I didn't go to work yesterday because of her. Apart from me being lazy and had to make errands (bank hopping) to pay bills, update records, have a manicure, foot spa, pedicure and a hair cut.

Why, you ask?

Because all she does is go to the office. And everything revolves around paperwork which she expects to be finished in a short span of time. Forget that the job of one person (me) was previously a job of 20 people. I sacrificed some dang time (like the weekend and holiday) to do some paper works that are pending. And what do I get?

Nothing.

Not even a recognition.

Oh well, dang it, leave it be then, at least I have a sex life.

pldt dsl sucks

2008-02-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

22 February 2008 - Applied online.

Company website says: up to 1 Mbps for 999/month
Application booth says: installation in 3 days!

25 February 2008 - Received email from pldt customer care to:
1. Pay the outstanding phone bill
2. Submit an authorization letter
3. Valid ID

26 February 2008 - Emailed PLDT scanned docs evidencing and submitting the above requirements.

27 February 2008 - Received email from pldt customer care to:
1. Submit signed subscription certificate

P*ssed off already because they keep on requiring documents for submission everyday. Don't they have a checklist???

29 February 2008 - Called up PLDT if they require more docs. It's p*ssing me off already. The representative said there's no need. The subscription certificate says its only up to 518kbps under the plan 999/month. I asked the representative how come I'll be charged the same rate when the speed is slower by 50%. She said that it depends on the cable that's being used. The cable available can only accommodate that speed. I said that's unfair because i'll be charged the same rate at a slower speed than those who have the "right" cable. The ad, therefore, is deceiving.

I asked then, how long before the dsl cable be installed. in 2-3-4 weeks! What the???????

It says in the booth only 3 DAYS. THREE DAYS!

BAD BAD BAD! PLDT sucks!

I had my application cancelled.

she knows

2008-02-26T17:31:00.000-08:00

She knows now.

We had dinner last night. She said that she knows there's another woman. What she couldn't understand is why her boyfriend is so depressed. It "slipped" out that its because they (the bf and the other girl) broke up. She didn't know. Oops.

"You mean, they were in a bf-gf relationship?"

oops. "Uh, yeah?"

"Since when?"

"It wasn't long ago." just 2 years...

"So that's why we only see each other on weekends." It's not only that.
Dang! Look at me! Read my mind! THEY LIVED TOGETHER FOR PETE'S SAKE!

"You should've acted when you felt there was something fishy."

"I'm not like that."

8 years. They were together for 8 years.

"You shouldn't have let him fall in love with the other girl."
THEY LIVED TOGETHER FOR 2 YEARS!

"Wherever and with whomever he's happy. I'm not the type to fight over it."

Well, then you deserve this.

his bestfriend's girlfriends

2008-02-24T22:53:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this friend. He had 2 girlfriends. One is a very successful young lady who has her own business, connections with politicians, no, not just politicians but POLITICIANS (as in Presidents) and is pretty on her own right. The other one is a bitch. She's pretty, yes. But that's it. She's had numerous live-in partners (she started at 18), she parties. She even flirted with MY partner. She has no job, she's a law student just like "the guy". They lived together.

The other girl (the "real" girlfriend), a very busy career woman, didn't know. Every sunday the guy would have dinner with his "real" girlfriend. Did I mention they've been together for 8 years? This "other girlfriend" knows about the "real" girlfriend. I think she was hoping that eventually the guy would dump the "real" girlfriend because, hey, who does he live with? But no, the guy would tell her that he couldn't leave the "real" girlfriend. And so they lived that way for 2 years. The "real girlfriend" being somewhat stupid to realize that the guy is cheating, and the "other girlfriend" also being somewhat stupid that the guy would sleep with her, live with her, but not marry her because he couldn't leave the "real girlfriend."

Then he fell in love.

The "other girlfriend" dumped him for another guy (I think that was a good decision on her part).

He was devastated. He got depressed. His real (remaining) girlfriend noticed. He said he's had quite a stressful week. The now-when-i-think-about-it stupid girlfriend bought it.

I guess he couldn't stop thinking about the other girl. I met them both. She's quite a character. Never boring. Any guy would easily like her. While his girlfriend is somewhat distant. She's engrossed with her businesses and her famous "tito" whose reputation she made so much use of in order to make it big in business and have that network of rich and famous individuals we dream about.

He broke up with her last night.

She's devastated.

Everyone in both their families are devastated and are doing the best they could to save their relationship. Good luck to them.

If she were MY friend, I would have told her. She's been in the dark too long.

But that's not my business. I can never interfere. She would have to dig around on her own. That would be very difficult because even the guy's friends and family are covering up for him.

I think it's better they broke up. Maybe the guy finally realized that the "other girl" is the one he loves. And he's just holding on to the real girlfriend because, its been 8 years. They have invested so much in the relationship. Give it up, kid. Stop being such a coward and face reality. Stop hiding behind your family and friends.

I hope the real girlfriend finds this blog. Everyone is covering up. This is the truth.

linux and xp

2008-02-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

we bought 2 new notebooks and the OS is linux. i don't know anything about linux. nada. i didn't worry much about it because i'm sure there'll be sources availabe in the net. lo and behold! when i typed "remove linux install windows", a forum tops the list of search results. and when i clicked on the linked, thinking that, "hey, this is good, there's a forum with people who can help me."

but nooooo. the forum members would lash out at non-linux users (that's Me) and at Microsoft for putting up a guide on how to remove linux and install windows (which i visted, but was still too technical for me. what the hell are partitions?)

these people seem to think that we non-linux users are stupid for not using it and for being more stupid and dense because "all you have to do is put on the cd and it would prompt installation". noooooo. it doesnt work!

i'm not a computer geek and i have no time to learn linux. i just want to make my reports, check the documents sent to me (word and excel) and prepare presentations. no, i don't know how to "cross over" and i have no plans.

i hate these people making judgements just because they're sooooo good in the crappy command s**ts in linux.

femalenetwork

2008-02-23T00:31:00.000-08:00

Its for women. Interesting site. I like reading their questions, tips, especially when they share their life experiences... even the young ones that would give advice as if they have all the answers in the world. some are even thick-headed to accept the fact that its not just about laying your fate in God's hands.

Coelho: The Devil and Ms. Prym

2008-02-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

I personally like this story by Mr. Coelho. The delivery is simple, the message profound.

"everything is in terms of society and never the individual"

We live by society's standards. I try to comply with the norm. And yet, I end up in situations where I would have to accept a different fate. I cannot comply. I would have to find a way to accept within myself that matters cannot be controlled. I would have to be deviant. Whether or not they (society) will accept it or not.